domestic violence.

so if you have never heard of dj williams, he is an amazing tight end for the arkansas razorbacks that is looking forward to being drafted into the nfl. his life hasn't always been this great though. for the first eleven years of his life, he dealt with domestic abuse in his home. his father would emotionally abuse his mother by telling her she was trash, amongst other things, and even make her own son tell her that she is a whore. he physically abused her. he even took an iron skillet and hit her across the back of the head with extreme force. she briefly left him and he was charged, spending ninety days in jail. after he served his time, he somehow convinced their mother to return to him. and everything continued. his father abused cocaine on a regular basis. on his eleventh birthday, his dad took him on what was supposed to be a fishing trip. instead his dad took out his cocaine and left dj in the truck, holding a six shooter. at that exact moment, dj was so tired of everything and all he could think to do to end everything was end his life. after his mom found out what happened, she told her children they were leaving as soon as possible. they took refuge in a women's shelter (for those who have experienced abuse) in dallas the very next day. soon after their dad was wanted for the murder of another man. the family was told that it would be best for them to leave the state for their safety. dj williams told his mom not to worry about where they were going to go next, because he pointed at little rock.... and that's where they went. and the rest is pretty much history.


just hearing his story and knowing that he went through so much, for so long, makes my emotions crazy. i am so blessed to have not had to experience either of my parents abusing drugs. but i also realize how very thankful i am to have such a strong mother in my life. god has truly blessed me. she could have easily stayed, but she chose to leave. just reflecting on that period of time, i feel so frustrated and upset. but i know that we have been blessed with such amazing friends and family that supported us through everything. in addition, i'm confident that karma is real and that son of a bitch will get his. i don't know how he looks at himself in a mirror and i damn sure don't know how that slut stays with him, full and well knowing what he's done. all i can say is what a freaking keeper. thank you, mom, for being such a great role model for us. although i wish a lot of things that happened hadn't, i wouldn't change anything because i wouldn't be where i am, or who i am, today. i love you.

STOP DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.

boys...

♥

hopefully yours.

“Love is a temporary madness; it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of eternal passion. That is just being in love, which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Those that truly love have roots that grow towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms have fallen from their branches, they find that they are one tree and not two.” -Louis de Bernieres

a much needed rant.

just a few things i figured i would rant about...

new mothers     okay, if you are a new mother (and by new i mean

your precious baby is not even six months old) and you are constantly

taking road trips to hang out with your girlfriends, drink alcohol, and

who knows what else, you need to grow up. who the hell does that?!

you can't even spend time with your child because you're so busy partying

so why didn't you just give your baby up for adoption or something?

left turn lanes     so there is a double turn lane, right? if you are in

the outside turn lane, you follow the fucking dotted lines. you don't cross

over those dotted lines and cut someone off. GET A CLUE.

protected lanes     lanes with solid, bold lines are known as protected

lanes. may of us learn about this in a program called driver's ed. but

unfortunately it seems as if the majority of people in lubbock, texas have

not taken this course. and if they have, they haven't paid attention.

instead of stopping at yield sign to wait for traffic to clear, you should

probably just put your foot on the gas and add a turn signal because

you're wasting everyone else's time by not knowing that you have an

effing protect lane! ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

staring     unless you have something to say to me, don't bother

staring. it makes me uncomfortable and pisses me off. if you want

to stare that bad... take a picture because it lasts longer. true story!

DONE.

a true soul mate

“A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. A soul mate’s purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, and make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life.” -Elizabeth Gilbert

I definitely know who this is in my life.

I transformed my life and everything was for the best.

♥

truth

future + will rogers

Even if you’re on the right track,

you’ll get run over if you just sit there.

-Will Rogers

The future scares me, so much. How do we know what the outcomes of each choice will be? How do we know we're making the right choices? What if we fail? What if what was thought was the right choice is actually the wrong choice? I could go on and on... Sometimes I just wish that I had a remote to control everything. I could hit the pause button and have more time for sleeping, studying, and just enjoying moments in life. I could hit the fast forward button and realize, "This really isn't so bad. I don't know why I was freaking out!" But unfortunately I don't have that, none of us do... (and if you really do and you're holding back on me, shame on you!) We all have to make choices and sometimes they keep us going on the same path we hope they take us on, but we also come to forks in the road where we must make decisions.

to the nice guys ♥

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.
This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.
This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.
The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.
So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

so simple, yet so complicated

"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life." 

— Bob Marley

why is love so simple, yet so complicated?

FUCKIN' PERFECT!

 

made a wrong turn, once or twice 

dug my way out, blood and fire 

bad decisions, that's alright 

welcome to my silly life

mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood

miss "no way, it's all good" 

it didn't slow me down

mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated

look i'm still around

pretty pretty please, 

don't you ever ever feel like you're less than fuckin' perfect

pretty pretty please, 
if you ever ever feel, like you're nothing 

you're fuckin' perfect to me! 

better than me

I really miss your hair in my face

And the way your innocence tastes

And I think you should know this

You deserve much better than me
-Hinder

today has been pretty good! i slept in and then went to

my history class with sarah at two o'clock. so glad to hear

that i only have one more test and quiz in there. :) NO FINAL!

mmmmmyeah. and i got happy hour today. nothing like a diet

vanilla coke with easy ice to put a smile on my face! hahaha

met up with my psychology group at the library and now

i'm typing all of this in order to procrastinate some more from

doing my homework. :) goooo figure! but raider and koda

are just playing with their kongs even though there isn't

any peanut butter in them right now. GOOBERS! :) i love

those furbabies; they are so adorable! ♥

bake away!

i was bad today... 

i showered and got ready for class knowing good and

well that it was cold and windy. i also knew that i

should be a responsible and go to class. nathan isn't

the best person to encourage me in that aspect, but

it might be because he knows i am completely capable

of getting a's in both the classes i have monday,

wednesday, and friday. so to get a second opinion, i

text my best friend jeff! and what does he say? 

STAY IN BED.

haha, so i did! and i enjoyed every second of it. :)

nathan went to work and i made chicken and rice

for him to eat for his lunch break. of course he

enjoyed it very much! (i'm not just saying that either)

i have spent the rest of the day listening to my hinder

station on pandora radio and bakingbakingbaking!

i made quiche muffins (pronounced keesh), miniature

heart-shaped pepperoni pizzas, and peanut butter

cookies! i don't know what the hell got into me!

i've been cooking a lot lately. of course i take a break

every few days, but i just keep finding all of these

recipes i want to try. the lime cheesecake tartlets were

a success to say the least. friday night i was pretty tipsy

and therefor hungry. i reached into the fridge to eat one

of the two tartlets that remained. everyone at the party

was interested so i just started spoon feeding everyone.

everyone wanted more. :) bahaha, so glad i can cook!

JAB

i definitely feel like josh abbott band's song, she's like texas. 

my moods definitely change like the weather here in lubbock. 

aaaand i kinda hate it. :(

but i'm glad i have someone that understands me and my moments. 

he's an amazing man. ♥